


What Family Is For

by HelenDamnation



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/F, H.G. needs a hug, Myka needs to give H.G. a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-06 20:52:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1872072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelenDamnation/pseuds/HelenDamnation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set between the two halves of season 4. Helena tries to leave without saying goodbye. Myka isn't having it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Family Is For

Helena had few possessions in this time. Everything she owned fit into an overnight bag. Anything else she needed, she could get. This suited her very well. It meant that she could come and go as she pleased, and not be tied down by things. It meant, more to the point, that she could leave quickly and inconspicuously.

Myka, Pete, Claudia and Steve would be hovering over the injured and guilt-stricken Artie for some time yet. They hadn’t noticed when she left the room almost half an hour ago, and she preferred it that way. It was better that she leave quietly and not intrude on their worry or their grief any longer. They had enough to trouble them without the awkwardness her presence caused.

Still. It should be more complicated, at least, she couldn’t help but think. Leaving in secret shouldn’t be as easy as walking out of a room without a word, picking up a bag left by the front door and driving away. Even having stalled for over twenty minutes doing nothing more than listlessly wandering the B&B and indulging in memories was a luxury she could well afford.

And that was fine. It was good. It was easier that way.

She straightened her spine, raised her chin, girded her loins, and so on and so forth, and marched out.

Only to find Myka sitting on the hood of the rental car, waiting.

For a moment they did nothing but stare at one another, Helena in shock and Myka in… what? Disappointment? Hurt? (Please not hurt. Please, not more hurt.)

“Not staying for the funeral?” Myka asked at last, the impassivity in her voice belied by the intensity in her eyes.

“Would she have wanted me there?” Helena replied, expecting silence in answer.

“Yes,” is what she gets instead. “Yes, of course she would have. She wasn’t always the most demonstrative of people, but she loved you. She loved all of us. This was her home, and we were her family. You are part of this family, whether you like it or not.” Myka blinked back tears and Helena found herself suddenly a few steps closer with her hand raised to brush them away. She used it to adjust the bag on her shoulder instead. She felt the tears building behind her own eyes, but refused to let them fall. She had a great deal of practice in that.

“My last conversation with her was before I left the Warehouse – ” she stopped and corrected herself – “Before I tried to destroy the world, and so I am not privy to her opinion on the matter. Nevertheless, while Leena was a deeply generous and loving woman, I rather doubt that her forgiveness extended quite that far. It is a universal law that everything must have an end.”

“You’re wrong. She forgave you a long time ago. We all did. That’s what family does.”

Helena felt a scream building up in her chest, begging to be let out. “Lord, Myka, don’t you understand? I don’t deserve to grieve. I don’t deserve to be part of this cosy little family of yours, and the only one who thinks I do is you. You have a heart as big as the ocean, as big as the sky, and I adore you for it, but your faith is misplaced. Save your love for someone who deserves it.”

“Stop. Stop it, just stop. Don’t – you were in pain, and you got lost, but you are so much better than you think you are. The good in you shone through in the end, like I knew it would. I didn’t stop you, you stopped yourself. And – you heard what Artie said, how you sacrificed yourself to protect the Warehouse. I forgave you a long time ago, but that just proves what I’ve always known: that you are a good person.”

“I rather doubt that story too,” Helena confessed despite herself. “Not that it happened – there’s no reason to doubt Artie’s memories of anything before he came into contact with the astrolabe – but Artie’s understanding of it. Dying for the Warehouse… no, I can’t see it. Not these days. I suspect that my only thought was to protect you. You, I would die for without hesitation. I am so very desperately in love with you, you see. I tried not to be, knowing that I was set on betraying you, but you, Myka darling, are quite impossible not to love, with your infectious enthusiasm and your smile like the sun. I love you with all that I am. With all that is left of me.

“But love is not enough,” Helena continued. She was crying in earnest now. “When my only moral compass is ‘Myka would be hurt,’ or ‘Myka would disapprove,’ what does that make me? I am not what you think I am. I want very much to be worthy of you, but I am not.”

Myka slid off the car and took one of Helena’s hands. With her free hand, she gently wiped away the tears on Helena’s cheeks. A wasted effort, as it only made her cry harder. “OK,” Myka said. “OK. Step one: I love you too. There’s a bunch of reasons why I never said anything. Partly I was hoping you would make the first move, since you seemed to find that sort of thing easier than I do, but I know why you didn’t, now. Mostly, though, all those reasons boil down to fear. Fear of rejection, fear of you dying, fear of… fear of betrayal. And yeah, that happened, but it’s over now, and what I learned from it wasn’t that I can’t trust you. I do. I learned that when something bad happens, it’s going to hurt anyway, so we might as well have the fun parts too, right? Don’t answer. Don’t answer until I’m done with step two.

“Step two is that I think you’re wrong. I think you’re better than you give yourself credit for. I think you spent a long time buried underneath your pain and convinced that you were broken, but you’re not. There’s a lot of love left in you, a lot of love, and… and if you just stop punishing yourself and let yourself be happy, you’ll see that.”

Helena shook her head, carefully so as not to dislodge Myka’s hand. “Perhaps,” she said doubtfully. “Perhaps you are right. Even so – I cannot stay. Not surrounded by so many artefacts. Not when I am still so fragile, my grasp on sanity so tenuous. If something were to happen to you – as it is so very likely to – I fear what I would do. I need to leave, to find some other reason or reasons to live, to love this world. I need to dig myself out from under all my pain, and I cannot do that here.”

They stared intently into one another’s eyes, each willing the other to understand. Then, suddenly, they were kissing, pushing all their love and passion and fear through their lips.

What felt like hours later, they pulled apart, and transformed their embrace into a fierce but chaste hug.

“Stay for the funeral,” said Myka. “Stay for the funeral, and stay in touch. Don’t just disappear again, and leave me not even knowing if you’re alive. You owe me that much.”

Helena nodded into Myka’s shoulder. “I will. I promise,” she said, though it was muffled by Myka’s beautiful curls.

They held on for a little longer, then Myka gently detangled herself – but held on to Helena’s hand, unwilling to let go completely – and tugged her indoors. There, the rest of the team – minus Artie, who was resting – scrambled to pretend they were all busy with something other than eavesdropping, mostly a solemn examination of some random object or patch of wall. Pete surreptitiously hid what appeared to be an old fashioned ear horn in a potted plant. Helena hid a smile while Myka laughed softly, and the team turned around and pretended to be surprised to see them there.

Helena stepped forward, reluctantly releasing Myka’s hand, and presented herself for inspection, letting all of her hope and fear show on her face. “Hello,” she said nervously. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Have you been keeping well?”

Claudia hugged her. Pete told her to quit hogging, and wormed his way into the embrace. Helena was startled, but hugged them back just as fiercely. Tears threatened once again, competing with the warmth in her chest.

Steve coughed, and Claudia and Pete obligingly let go. “Hi, I’m Steve,” said Steve, and held his hand out to be shook, which Helena did, laughing.

“A pleasure to meet you, Steve,” she said, and smiled, and felt, for the first time in a very long time, like everything was going to be alright.


End file.
